Relationship Anarcho-communism is a blend of relationship anarchy and anarcho-communism principles. It emphasizes the importance of community and mutual aid within relationships, rejecting traditional hierarchies and focusing on collective well-being. This approach values cooperation, shared resources, and the belief that relationships should be free from coercion and power imbalances.
Relationship Anarchy is not about just your intimate or loving relationships, but rather applies to every single relationship you have. These methods influence how I relate to not just intimate partners, but to my children, to my work colleagues, employer, the people I meet out LARPing, even the unhoused person on the street. Sure, not every interaction needs to have a discussion about needs, wants, boundaries, expectations, but showing up as your most authentic self to every interaction is a goal.But I think that's enough of a primer on Relationship Anarchy. This is a post on Relationship Anarcho-communism.
Anarcho-communism is a political philosophy that advocates for a stateless, classless society where resources are shared and decisions are made collectively. It values cooperation, mutual aid, and the belief that people should be free from coercion and oppression. In the context of relationships, this means that power imbalances should be minimized, and decisions should be made collectively with the well-being of all parties in mind.
When I talk about Relationship Anarchocommunism, it's from the perspective of the community part of communism. I've known a lot of RA folks who take the view that each relationship is a singleton. That is, each relationship is its own entity, and the agreements made within that relationship are only between the people in that relationship. That is a very valuable part of approaching a relationship, but in these times of uncertainty and a global swing towards authoritarianism, we need the strength of community and found family to buoy us and keep us safe.
I feel that as a community of Practical Anarchists, it is time we moved past the insular idea that a relationship is an island. Just as feminism has moved to intersectional feminism, so too do I feel that we must move towards intersectionality in the relationships we build. No man is an island, and no relationship exists in a vacuum. The negotiations and agreements we make with one person do not just affect that person, but they effect the community around that person.
I think that's where the communism comes in. It's not about the state, or the government, or the economy. It's about the community. It's about the people around you. It's about the people you interact with, and the people they interact with. This is a form of community building that I think is sorely needed in these times of isolation and fear.
Where does the communism come in? It's small scale, building a community around you. Acknowledging that the person in front of you has a life full of things you may never know about. Your involvement with them, your interactions may have an impact that you will know nothing about. But I digress.
Maybe a recent example of what I am getting at. One of my relationships has had a degree of physical intimacy recently negotiated in, and one of the conversations we had was around public displays of affection. Were they ok with holding hands or kissing in public. This was an agreement between me and them, but it didn't stop there. They have a spouse who was also physically present, and the three of us were around people that knew they were married. So the agreement that I could hold her hand, and her ability to make that decision had to take into account how their spouse felt, and if all three of us were ready to deal with the fact that we live in a mononormative society.
The agreement wasn't just between me and her. It was between me, her, and her spouse. Could I have just held her hand? Yeah, that was something we both wanted to do. Some of my contemporaries would argue that anything between me and her is our business alone, and that's true to a point. However, the community around us is also affected by our actions.
If it were just me and her, then the extra discussion she had with her spouse wouldn't have been needed right then and there. It probably would have happened anyways. I wasn't directly involved but I was pleased when she checked in with her spouse. It showed me that she was thinking not just about us, but about her spouse, and conversations that may have happened.
Notes and resources
- Understanding Relationship Anarchy It's about rejecting traditional relationship hierarchies and focusing on individual needs and desires.
- Communication Open and honest communication is crucial.
- Relationship Anarcho-communism is a specific type of RA that extends the concepts of community into the relationship space
- Resources